Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

You probably know by now that Jess wrote a post called Things I'm Afraid to Tell You that Ez turned into a whole movement. If you don't, you can read all about the nitty gritty here. The lovely Meg had a great idea a week or so ago that we should do a second wave of this movement for lifestyle bloggers. Today is the day. And this whole thing is making me nervous.

There are things bloggers don't share. For my part, most of what I don't share is directly related to the fear of failure. What if I share my aspirations and they never come true? What if I share my worst fears and they do come true? What if I change course along the way, will my readers follow me? It's completely silly but it's a real fear to openly share personal things to whoever will read them, to try and explain situations to people who don't know the whole story.

This probably also explains why we always only see the perfectly-polished side of bloggers and respect them tenfolds when they share real stories. It's really nerve-wracking! But in the spirit of this blogger movement to be real and face our fears, I'm going to share the things I've been afraid to tell you. Things I have written about, and never published. Things I've wanted to write about, but never have.

Maybe it's with the hope that if all bloggers become more real, we will stop constantly comparing our successes and out (un)perfect lives, and start supporting each other through thick and thin. We ALL go through the same ups and downs, fears and doubts, achievement and successes. Let's never forget that.

Ok, this is me philosophizing again to avoid the real topic: Things I'm afraid to tell you. Here it goes:


1. My new apartment is in shambles. It still looks like what it did when I moved in almost a month ago! I know I need to go out, get furniture, choose fabrics, reupholster, hang art - and the list goes on. I share all these great tips on my blog, but when it comes down to my own place, it all falls at the bottom of the list. Part of this is because I consider this place very temporary and although it's really cute and comfortable, I don't want to spend too much money if I don't plan on staying here for long.

2. I constantly feel bad for not blogging, cooking, exercising or eating healthy everyday. I feel bad for not commenting on all the lovely blogs I read everyday when time just gets away. I'm also used to setting incredibly high standards for myself. I'm a perfectionist, workaholic and control freak and I don't ever give up. Sometimes I think it's a good thing, but sometimes I think I just need to stop, smell the flowers, be happy right now, right here, with what I have, and stop being in a perpetual state of "the grass is greener on the other side".

3. I really miss M. Being away from him these past few months has been extremely difficult, but it has only made my love for him grow stronger. When I wrote this post I left him out, not because he wasn't important in my decision, but because it was a topic too sensitive to tackle at that point. And I felt extremely guilty for doing that.

Things have not been easy between us. Being on opposite sides of the world will do that to a couple. On top of it, we're both shockingly bad at communicating (I know - communication is key). But on good days, I wholeheartedly believe that ultimately, we will make it through and come out that much stronger. On my bad days, I just curse myself for moving away and ponder catching the first flight back.

4. Anyone who says "when you meet the right person you just know" makes me want to slap them square in the face. (I don't slap people by the way). I'm more the type of person that thinks I don't know what I want, until I know what I don't want. 

I recently read this quote: "I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allows two separate beings to hinge together."

I have often thought about whether opposites really do attract - and until I read that quote I was never quite convinced. M is the complete opposite of me. And that challenges me. And it makes me scratch my head thinking: how does he think that way, why does he act that way, why doesn't he like the same things I do? At the same time, I admire him to no end. He is stable, realistic, reasonable, responsible, loyal, incredibly smart, generous and devoted. He stays calm when I can't, he finds solutions when I don't, he keeps me balanced. He makes me a better person. He makes me a happier person. It doesn't matter if he's not perfect. It doesn't matter if I'm not perfect. Because ultimately, it's what will make us better people, together.

5.Taking a leap of faith is NOT easy! Readjusting to life in Montreal hasn't been easy either. Great opportunities came with the move (a few fun contracts and projects thrown my way). I still think it was a good decision to move back to study and work on growing my (future) business, but there are days when I really wonder if it's all worth it.

I also tell myself that the situation is only temporary. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't remind myself of that every single day. I know that at some point in the next two years, I will be back in Australia. And if I work hard now, I'll have a business that will allow me the freedom of being master of my own time and money. A leap of faith takes exactly that: faith that it will ALL work out!

6. Last thing, I am a little nervous about attending Blogfest next week. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited and practically jumping up and down every single day. But meeting everyone that have come to know me through my blog makes me hope I can live up to whatever image people have created in their heads. Silly? Completely.

There you have it, the things I was afraid to tell you (I probably even lost sleep over this post) - but now I have, and I feel a little better.

Now go and check out these other courageous ladies that have also shared their fears today:

Cassie: Coco + Kelley / Christine: Court & Hudson / Caitlin: Sacramento Street / Roxy: My Cup of Te / Crystal: Blog / Meg: MIMI+MEG / Ashlina: The Decorista / Katie: Modern Eve / Erin:Apartment 34 / Erica: Design Blahg / Victoria: Vmac & Cheese / Christine: Miles to Style / Franki: Life in a Venti Cup  / Sue: The Zhush / Erika: Radiant Republic / Gabrielle: Savvy Home / Monika: The Doctor's Closet / Naomi: Design Manifest /Tobe: Because It's Awesome / Becca: {extra}ordinary wonders / Lynzy: Sparkling Footsteps / Hitha: Hitha On The Go / Sarah: Note To Self / Liz:So Much To Smile About / Sarah: Blogstar / Alissa: The Goods Design / Jessie: Style & Pepper / Erika: Small Shop Studio  / AV: Long Distance Loving / Maggie: Maggie Rose Blog / Nicole: The City Girl In Me / Priscilla: The Best Laid Plans / Jen: Concrete Jungle DC / Janelle: Food Fashion Fitness / Natalie: East Coast Chic

Here are other bloggers that participated in Ez's Wave No.1 of Things I'm Afraid To Tell You:

Design for Mankind | Little Brown Pen | Beautiful Hello | Curating Style | Sweet Fine Day | The Jealous Curator | Happy Days | Sage & Berries | Really Handmade | Peck Life | Satsuma Press |Rena Tom | For the Easily Distracted | The Hemborg Wife | Vitamini Handmade | Courtney Khail Stationery and Design | Meg in Progress | Dando Photography Blog | Widdershins22 | Alison Citron |Pink Moon Daily | Just Pretty Things | From China Village | Tea with Me | The Darling Ewe | Not Your Average Ordinary | The Electric Typewriter | Elleby Design | Parsimonia {Secondhand With Style} | Life as an Artistpreneur | Hello Cupcake | Dellie | The A & B Stories | Pretty Little Things | Feistyelle | Nib & Zed | Well and Cheaply | I Ripple. I Dance. | Whitfield Awesome Blog | Foxtrot Press | Dry As Toast | The List of Now | Apple Blue | For the Love of | Four Flights of Fancy | Miss Modish | Snapshots & Secrets | Dirty Laundry | Bubby & Bean | Penelope's Press | Little Nostalgia | Vale Design | Pikaland | Fleurishing | Print Pretty | Vespa Tales | Hazel & Agnes | Amanda's Musings | Mo' Funk Designs | Ordinary Mommy | Camp 1899 | In Honor of Design | Liberty's Yarn | Love, Life & Pictures | Stacey Winters | Owl in the Rain | Living Life Creatively | Emma Elizabeth Clease | I Live in Vacouver Now | British Cream Tea

How's that for a little light Monday morning reading?